If some parts of SME are a nightmare to you, then why not get involved with one of the UK group who do not find it a nightmare?
I am always willing to help out via email or the lists (free) or telephone (perhaps not always free), and I have had port forwarding working fine, from my router, through an Ipcop firewall, and through an SMEserver!! I have a batch of SMEservers running at clients in the the UK
As I am also a contribs.org mod, I can find stuff on it pretty quickly!!
The point I am trying to make here is that no-one needs to struggle, the whole point of open source is that there are people out there able (and willing) to help for the greater good.
Cheers
Brian